Experimenting with Gifs Gone Rogue

12 Techniques & Strategies for Healing Heart Break

So how do you turn the worst thing that every happened to you, into the BEST thing that every happened to you?

First of all, I want to say right off the bat, I don't have a magic pill. In fact I don't have any pills - that's the point - and if you have been reading along the last few posts you can see the stages of mourning, anger and acceptance one simply HAS to endure. No, no magic pill - this is good old fashion elbow-grease self work.

These are things that have helped me and things I believe will help others. Especially creatives who are suffering because they as authentic human beings with over-active imaginations have encountered some of the many heartless, less-authentic people that walk this earth who HAVE NOT learned to love themselves and are going around wreaking havoc in others lives esp. those who love them. Somethings may work for you, some may not, but they are as we speak working for me.

At the writing of this post I am happier and freer than I have been in years. digital art by m.diaz

• Cry - As much as you have to, no matter how afraid you are of getting permanent bags and dark circles- cry, cry, cry let it out. If you can cry, there is a cathartic letting go that those who can't and do not cry will never feel. Just like an exclamation of, 'ouch' when pinching your finger in a door is your bodies biological anesthesia, so is the process of crying. Eventually no matter the river you cried for days or weeks or months, you are mastering your mind and you are being aided by your own bodies systems of release, or at least tell yourself that.

• Walk- walking is an under valued and under-estimated sport. It is INCREDIBLY healthy physical activity and ANY physical activity gets you OUT OF YOUR HEAD and that is WHERE you most definitely want to go. So if the gym is not a reality for you at this moment, and yoga too pricey, and you have no system in place for physical challenge, than walk. Walk everyday more than once a day. If you need to cry and walk, than Cry and walk.

• Practice Visualization

• In Fact Visualize EVERYTHING and I mean every thing - VISUALIZE YOUR LIFE HAPPIER. VISUALIZE WHAT YOU IMAGINE SURVIVING to look like- Visualize you with none of the memories and none of the pain.

• EVEN VISUALIZE THE UGLY STUFF- In fact, imagine your WORST fears as a reality...and see how you are still breathing and living and surviving after you visualized the thing that hurts the most i.e., like a super hottie surfer babe working alongside of, living and sleeping in your x's love shack on what used to be your side of the bed... who cares??? They are now SOME ONE else's TOXIC problem, no longer yours and look you survived the vision.

dead bird photo by m.diaz

• Recognize and MASTER your self-destructive self not from lack of loving yourself (if you read my last post you know I don't subscribe to that ideology). No I am talking about the part of you that is simply reacting to something bigger than you are. When you are confused, knocked down, low self-esteem and your fixated thoughts don't let you get back up. The self-destructive self that simply subscribes to loving so big it was potentially the death of you. It can be as simple as mastering your minds endless replays, thoughts and daydreams that remind and hurt you. It could be the waiting to pack up items and triggers that have to go. It 'no contact rule'.

  For me it has come in many forms through out my life, and this time it came in the form of failing and not eating.

  Once you recognize it, you need to master it with forgiving yourself. i.e., Pick yourself up, forgive yourself, and start the no contact rule all over again. And if you fail again, start again, and if you fail again, start again and I promise if you can recognize your trigger, and see the toxicity playing itself out, you will master your mind and you will cease and desist. And before you know it you will have gone weeks and months without the contact...and healing.

• People. All People, people that in your past life you thought were irrelevant to your life. NEW people, strangers- Go to MEETUPS! Find people with common interests and or just people who want to do or go and see the same thing as you just not alone. There are so many social butterflies among us, that many don't understand the true hurt and pain of real isolated loneliness. It takes a phenomenal amount of inner light and strength to get yourself out of your cave to go meet strangers. You can try convincing yourself you are above it, that the folks you will meet will be sad, lonely, broken people and you couldn't be more wrong. They are like you, maintaining a bright life-force that refuses to stay beaten, defeated and alone, they like you, will not just survive BUT THRIVE. That takes inner light.

• Laughing. Laughing alone at home, at work, with comedies, in any way, shape or form. Laugh accept others trying to make you laugh. It is at once cathartic and DISARMING and it is light in its purest form. Allow yourself to smile at the little things like the dew on a leaf and to watch this extraordinary and hysterical gif collection on the 22 Things No One Tells You About Life After A Break up and laugh out loud. My faves are number 7, 11, 12, 13 and definitely number 21. Now that you’re in a much better place they might even try to get you back 'HELL NO' gif!!

• DANCE. Dance with no expectations. Go to club NOT to meet any one - just to dance, dance at home, move, feel a beat, envelop yourself in the affection of movement and musicality. Again physical activity gets you out of your head...but dance, well that's like striking the wonder woman pose to boost your confidence times 10! And yes, strike the Wonder Woman pose = Strike it often, and be documented doing it - you will rise to that pose.

• WORK Yes you can lose yourself in your day job and maybe for a while you should, But as creatives there is no more powerful time to produce our art or get lost into our process than when we are hurting. It has often produced some of art histories greatest masterpieces. But how to paint, write, sculpt when you have no drive? Master your mind or trick it, SIGN UP FOR a class with strangers or a workshop or a meetup. Put yourself in the place of deadlines, and expectations to help you, so you HAVE the illusion of being obliged to sit and work. And as a creative sometimes you don't work not for lack of drive, but instead for fear of what you might unleash. So be it. Unleash. Let your passion ignite.

• Learn something new. STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE - Break patterns by learning a new skill, shoot for something so out of your realm. I have chosen electronics and circuitry, more specifically Arduino. Meet others into this and get out there and pick their brains.

• REALIZE your life is so much richer, fuller (perhaps now of extraordinary people, places and things) that you had been missing out on while you were being drained of all your life-force by one undeserving individual.

Disclaimer NOTE- If you do not have a pet to care for, some of these strategies would most likely not have the same affect they had on me.

Pets, in my case, dogs, force you (even if you start off kicking, screaming and whining about it) to contend with a living creature OUTSIDE of yourself that needs you. Even when you are in a bed and unwilling to face the world and get up and out they are dependent on you. I would have most likely not discovered how much walking for example was helping me if I wasn't obliged to walk my dogs every day three times a day. The routine has lifted me. So I am grateful for having living creatures that I am responsible for, they have been my salvation.

Furthermore, I highly recommend being BETTER PERSON by developing the skill of nurturing a sentient creature other than yourself, IN ORDER to better care for yourself. Too many narcissists and self-indulgent people can be identified by their lack of even a plant to water or a cactus being the only thing they know how to keep living.

If nothing else - remember this- once you have truly hit the lowest point, and you accept that as far as your romantic life is concerned you have hit rock bottom you have one of two options. Either stay there (live there) in a place of perpetual negativity or be a little Buddha and detach. If you can manage to DETACH than the old cliche is 100% true- no where to go but UP.

Spring, A Time of RENEWAL...especially for me... future

I Am Strong - Original Digital Art by M. Diaz

Anyone who knows me, knows that in the last two and a half years I got lost.

All the 21st century sages say that getting lost at least once in your life is a good thing. You know the old cliche- "get lost in order to get found..."

Therefore most people will say if getting lost is not on your bucket-list that it should be. Yet, for all the idealist advice so many of us live terrified of doing so. Like all the people with children in comforting marriages telling you, 'Live alone for a while - Spend time with yourself- enjoy yourself'...Really? How often are these same people faced with eating on a table with only a book to exchange with? Breakfast, lunch, dinner, day after day? I'd like to know if option and choice are ever considered. You see, when it came to getting lost - it was another one of those things...It crept up on me unwittingly. Even if I was faced with a life-altering action, moment, decision and choice, when I was PRESENT in that moment, I was far from fathoming the depths of cause and effect. Getting lost seems like the kind of thing we like to see other people do so we can live vicariously through them, gossip about it and stay perfectly cocooned in domestic comfort without ever getting our hands or souls dirty.

Well, I got lost. Am currently still a bit lost...

Unfortunately, I didn't get lost in space and time (something I think with all the GPS location technologies that exist would have been so much easier).

Nope, I got lost the messy way - the kind there's no road map in existence for. I got lost in another human being. And in turn, I lost myself. And on the way to losing myself, I lost the proverbial picket fence; the big house, the in-ground pool, the fireplaces, the chickens, the acreage, the husband. However, I found stuff too...just like when we were kids and our trip to the beach came equipped with special tools - that special sand colander you take along with your little plastic bucket and shovel. Watching all that mucky wet sand draining through the holes leaving you beautiful nuggets of polished beach glass. Nuggets unlike anything I have ever seen before - extraordinary novel experiences, blinding golden light.

So after much meandering in a purgatorial space of not recognizing anyone, thing or even myself - I am now on a mission to rise. Trust me, when you wake up in silence in a space you have no point of reference for, or history in, and people you thought were your most dear friends absent in a poof...crashing is easier than rising.

Now with time, I am understanding just a bit more of the abstraction that is my reflection than I ever have. I understand now there is no better anti-depressant than people, we are after all social animals no matter how much we rationalize ourselves away from our nature. And for me, one of the most dangerous acts I can commit is sequestering my soul from sharing with others. So without burdening you with anymore information than necessary, I'm going to start with my blog. For the record, it isn't about being found, or arriving, is it? It's more about helplessly and apologetically deconstructing, yet rising without apology, until the next time I fall. It is about the struggle and being strong enough to simply withstand and wake from it. It's about learning to be selfless for a while. It's a about learning to be happy in a place of vulnerable LOVE.

An Illustrated Message to My Inner Critic

So as many of you know I have been doing Nanowrimo this month and doing so along with many many other November obligations. Needless to say I am very behind and am beginning to lose the battle against my inner critic. One of the best Birthday gifts I got this month,(materialistically possibly in my whole life) is the Ipad. Now I've used the Iphone Brushes App before, which I love to make sketches with.

But this time with a bigger screen I decided to draw a message to my inner critic with my fingertip on the app Sketchbook Pro for Ipad. You can guess at which finger I used and please 'Warning', excuse the humor as I do generally maintain a rather 'clean' site, so this piece may be considered a bit too graphic. It is also a dummy mock up sketch for a piece I'm making with ink on paper right now too that I will show you next. I've been pretty sick for a week now so this has kept me distracted.Here is the result:

A message for my Inner Critic- digi art made on Sketchbook Pro Ipad by marisol diaz